she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
