ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
