His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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