dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Me too!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
