ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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