So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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