giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
