Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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