I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
