My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
