It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
