You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
