i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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