why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
