tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
