Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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