he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
