i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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