my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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