We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
