You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I showed him my bush... on skype.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
