Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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