So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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