Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
