dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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