Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
