I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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