so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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