if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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