i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
