I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
