are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
