look no pants
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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