She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
