I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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