im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
