Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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