Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
