I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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