Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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