your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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