My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
