Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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