well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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