I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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