im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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