on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
