sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
