What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
