swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
