does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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