I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Randomize
