dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
