I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
