my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My ATM looks so different sober.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
