Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
