I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
