Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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