Yo dont text me then not text me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
