Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
