I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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