Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
