She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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