How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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