so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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