Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You made out with two different species that night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
