Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
