I'm gonna have a badass scar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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