I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
