He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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