In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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