This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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