we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
