Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
