I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
