ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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