Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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