just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
