apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
