all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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