i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
