u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
