make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
