i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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